On The Lighter Side

I was about to go on a rant about the state of the news media. Remember when we used to think they were holding the governments feet to the fire? One more thing to look back on with nostalgia. Anyway, instead I'm going to reprint this email I received. More of the lighter side of life. For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of the English language.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put braille on the drive through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

And for a closing, this came to me from Willie Nelson: A skeleton walks into a bar and says "give me a beer and a mop".